My Rebellion Cake

This is my rebellion cake...

In all my life I don't remember ever seeing a square layer cake and the other day when I realized it I thought to heck with it, I'm going to make it square and I decided to call it my rebellion cake.

You see, I am not doing well lately. I've lost all appetite. All motivation. All interest in anything except scrolling reels on social media...

Triggered by the realization that I don't know when I'll be able to buy groceries again. Slamming me back into survival mode with a vengeance.

Not only that, but also realizing that all the things I used to believe has come crumbling down around me because I now see the evil, the control, the brainwashing, the conditioning in everything. Plus trying to do things that don't align with me and thus irritate me to no end....

My entire life I've been a square peg forced to fit in a round hole. Or, another analogy, a shiny sparkling star with my points being cut off or squashed so I fit into the box that society deems I should fit in.

Now...now I feel the wildness stirring in my bones. I feel rage rising within at all the control and manipulation. I find myself wishing more and more I could just disappear into the woods to live in peace with nature. I find myself longing to sleep under the stars on the solidness of the earth. I want to dance. To sing. With the wildness of nature. To live and breathe with the birds and animals.

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But I feel trapped. Trapped in a situation that looks like death. It feels like death. It sounds like death. It tastes like death.

Orange is the color of the sacral chakra. It pertains to the womb and the ability of female creation. It pertains to the sacredness of women and the wisdom they embody. I didn't purposely choose orange but the cake is actually an orange creamsicle cake...or supposed to be...

Feeling everything you have believed and thought to be true to come crumbling to pieces around you is life changing. And lonely. And makes one feel so lost. Because now I have to start over from the rubble and figure out who I really am. How powerful I actually am. How much wisdom I carry in my body.

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I feel lost but I'm not.

I feel alone but I'm not.

I feel like the foundations are gone, but maybe they never were. Maybe I'm only now finding the real foundations.

I guess it remains to be seen.

For now my rebellion lives in a square layer cake. And also in a few other things that are too personal to talk about yet. But maybe one day after I have processed them I'll be able to write about it and tell the raw story but in a transformative way...