Sasquatch Healing, A Raccoon & More Lessons
- Sparkling Diamond
- Aug 8
- 14 min read
It's been a long but short week of deep inner work and lessons. I share because I know it can be helpful to others. How many times have you listened to or read about someone's experience and you had a 💡moment about something in your personal life? I have, and the whole reason I started sharing my journey is because when I left the Old Order Mennonites(horse and buggy) there were so few stories of people having left strict religious groups and the struggle of fitting with "normal" society. The loneliness was suffocating and I hoped that by sharing my journey it would help others to not feel as alone. What a journey it's been! So different from when I was a teenager and wanted to unalive myself because I could see no future for myself and it seemed to be the only way possible to get out of the tortured reality I was in. Now I realize that the forces were trying to smother the light within me and they didn't succeed at all. I am more alive now and embodying my light than I ever have been able to before in my entire life.
If you read my last blog post you may have noticed how I realized that I was living in powerlessness. It's been so deep that while I will try to keep things in chronological order things may get a bit mixed up but hopefully you will be able to understand the deeper lesson underneath what I'm trying to share through my experiences...
On Monday I went to town and applied at another new job. I was told I would get a call later in the day. I never got the call.
As I pondered this I realized that when I'm applying at jobs in desperation, afraid that I will default on my vehicle insurance later this month, or unable to pay rent and utilities because I have no income, I am acting out of the powerlessness paradigm.
I am a sovereign being
and while I have needs, so far my needs (and most bills) have been taken care of. If I act out of desperation and powerlessness I will compromise my own boundaries and limits as well as give my power away to an employer in return for financial security. While I'm not saying that I'm won't get a job, I'm saying that I have physical limits and boundaries and if a business is unable to work with me on that then I'm not going to keep trying to force the door open. I will keep knocking on doors by applying for what I'm able and willing to do and if the doors don't open I will respect that. They may just be the ones losing out but that's their choice.
A while ago an individual commented on a blog post and then I had a dream about them messaging me and trying to tell me things that didn't sit well with me. And...
That actually happened this week.
This individual who worked with me on my healing journey in the past has a good heart and tries to help however they can but at their personal expense as they are unable to set boundaries for themselves and keep them and this impacts their physical ability to be at their best for the ones they are trying to serve and help. It took a while for me to see the patterns because it was so subtle and even still is. The best I can describe it is that my inner child was wounded and trust broken by the inconsistency of boundaries on their part and being promised things that never happened as well as being given access to things and then that permission being redacted when it caused problems on their end. To make it even worse, money is brought into the discussion as though I now owe for the kindness they bestowed out of the goodness of their heart in the first place, making me feel guilty for even accepting their offer and taking up space that they offered in the first place. Me, still learning how to use my voice and embody my autonomy, would try to talk about it but every time I tried to talk about it they would get defensive and twist it around to be my fault, leaving me feeling even more confused and bewildered, which caused me to struggle even more with trusting my heart/gut and intuition. Seeing that I'm getting nowhere and no longer feeling safe enough to do inner work with them, I declined to continue working with them.
I had been given access to a program and had been using it almost daily such as posting daily quotes and creating videos with my beautiful nature photos. It hadn't been working right for a few days and I didn't know why. I tried fixing the problem but didn't know what was actually wrong.
Then I got an email from this individual saying that they needed to get a project done but can't do anything because the storage is full and that it would probably be better if I discontinued using the program. I said, no problem I will clean it all up. They were pleased and offered to let me still use the program for a few things. I thought everything was ok.
The next day I got a bunch of messages saying basically that my stuff is getting messed up in theirs and I need to discontinue use as well as that they pay for it monthly etc. I could tell that nothing had changed since we had worked together. I knew there was no use trying to remind them of what I had been told in the beginning. I also could tell they were frazzled trying to reach a deadline. It seemed like the things I had in my folder were somehow not contained in my folder and in an unexplainable way were getting mixed up in their project that they were trying to get done. I said I would delete that file so it doesn't keep getting mixed up with theirs but as I deleted it I felt deep down that I was just done with this whole thing and dealing with these patterns so I deleted all my stuff so that there is no way to cause any more problems and switched to my personal free program. They then tried to backpedal and say I can still use it etc. but I was done with it all...
In the midst of all this I was reminded of the person I had moved in with when I first moved to this state and how they had been so willing to try to help me but then they flipped and cast me out on the street, so to speak. From this person I now believe they had an ulterior motive in that they were using me to make them feel better about themselves. I was struck with the similarities of the two situations, one was so much more subtle than the other one, but both consisted of offering something because they wanted to help and then taking it away or back and not taking responsibility for their choices. The second person has a good heart and means well but the inconsistency is not very conducive to helping others heal as they are trying to do. I was told I was the first one ever having problems with them and I can understand why. If it is so subtle that I have a hard time even putting words to it I can understand why others may not have words for it or even picked up on it yet.
In the midst of all this it also brought up a lot of unresolved pain and grief from this relationship that I hadn't known how to heal because the damage done was so much more a subtle feeling that I couldn't describe and when it's hard to get a grasp on what is actually wrong or what the wound actually is and how one has been harmed it's even harder to figure out how to heal it. The first evening after our interaction began I ended up crying awhile before I could go to sleep. While it felt good to release the tears, I was left with a feeling of physical pain in my heart. My sleep wasn't the most restful that night and I could tell that the issue wasn't resolved. The next evening after the rest of the conversation had transpired to the point where I wasn't going to engage anymore, I got ready for bed with a heavy ache in my heart.
I usually do a reiki session on myself as it helps my body relax etc and I was thinking about how the Sasquatch are trying to befriend humans to share their wisdom and work with them to help heal the planet. I tried to imagine what it might be like to be a friend to Sasquatch. I wondered how in the world I could even be a friend with Sasquatch if I don't even know how to be friends with humans...
I sat on the edge of my bed before lying down knowing I don't want to go to bed with this heaviness within my heart and body. I tried to think about how I can heal these wounds. I asked my higher self for assistance but lately my higher self has seemed more distant in a way. As I sat there with the tears rolling down my face I really felt like there was a fortress around my heart(Message of the Sasquatch to Humanity Book 3 has a number of exercises to help a person walk in their power and authenticity and one exercise is about letting down the walls and specifically refers to allowing the heart fortress to be dismantled so one can walk in freedom).
I didn't want this fortress around my heart and I felt like my inner child had been deeply wounded by this relationship and I knew if it didn't get healed then the fortress would only become stronger. Then like gentle suggestions came two thoughts/ remembrances; one was a comment an individual had made in response to another comment on their post saying that the Sasquatch are willing to help heal if we ask them(they are also connected with Sasquatch themselves and have contributed to the Sasquatch Message books as well). The second thought was of Sasquatch elder Kamooh saying that one only needs to ask for help and they'll be there to help in Sasquatch book 3. It seemed to be an invitation and I was unsure how to go about it. I know that they communicate telepathically and while I have been practicing with the birds and animals in my backyard and when I go to the woods I wasn't sure if I would be able to communicate with a Sasquatch yet.
As I pondered this I remembered the part in one of the books where they said that they can read people's thoughts and they know what people think when they hear or read about Sasquatch and whether individuals are open to them or if they will deny the reality of them being real etc. I decided to try because what did I have to lose? If nothing happened I would take it to mean I am not yet able to communicate with them but if they can read my thoughts and know how I feel about them then it is worth a try to ask for help. So in my mind I didn't know how to put it in a picture what I wanted to ask so I just asked in my head if Kamooh would be willing to help me heal this pain in my heart?
I honestly was not expecting what happened...
While I felt no presence, within seconds the pain and heaviness vanished from my being. I sat there exploring the emptiness that the pain had been taking up inside of me and trying to wrap my head (and heart) around what just happened when joy started seeping into that space. I knew the pain had been healed and with a smile of gratitude I thanked Kamooh. As I lay down I couldn't stop smiling as joy filled my being to overflowing. In gratefulness and joy I sent Kamooh a great big hug and made my teddy bear dance to show him how happy I was(yes, my inner child gets to sleep with teddy bears which were not allowed as a child). It was late and I wanted to sleep so I didn't want to get up and dance( I don't really know how to anyway or so I think) but finally I had to do something as I certainly wasn't going to go to sleep anytime soon so I grabbed both teddy bears and got up and danced around my bedroom for a little bit just trying to release sone of the energy flowing through my body. I'm so used to heavy emotions that I have a hard time knowing how to handle joy and other higher frequency emotions when I do feel them. My inner child felt so free and safe and healed and it felt so good!
(A thought that came to me later was that perhaps my higher self is standing back so that I can build trust and relationship with the Sasquatch people which might help bring healing to the fear I have of human relationships after everything I've been through with at the hands of humans... I was also pondering my journey of learning about the Sasquatch and different experiences I've had that could have been them [one was a time I was still living in a very dehumanizing situation before moving to my current state and I went up in the woods to gather rose petals and a stick cracked extremely loud but I saw no humans and nearly put me in panic mode because of unhealed fears and conditioning that I'm working on] and it makes me wonder if perhaps I have a Sasquatch guide that has been walking with me through this life like some others also have...)
Now I am aware that the individual I have been talking about may very well read this blog post and while I have no intention of harming them in anyway, I am no longer afraid of sharing so that others can learn and potentially heal themselves if they see the same faults within themselves or relationships. What I would like to say to this person if they by chance read this is that I wish they would take a very honest look at themselves and do some deeper inner healing work to the point where they can at least take responsibility for themselves instead of overstepping their own limits to try to help others.
You can only help others heal as far as you have healed yourself. It is possible to outgrow our own healers or those who are trying to help us heal. And that is ok.
It means we are growing and not becoming stagnant. The more we can flow through the changes brought on by our growth the more we will enjoy this beautiful life on this beautiful life-giving planet that now needs our help to survive extinction. The help we can give is by healing ourselves first. Not only will we become 'better' humans but we will also become better stewards of the earth and the things we own. We will have more respect and love for each other and accept that first and foremost we are responsible for ourselves and our inner world.
The next morning I went outside to watch the sunrise and discovered a raccoon at the base of my favorite tree a few yards from where I was planning to sit. Terror filled me as stories and memories of my childhood surfaced about raccoons. They had always been portrayed in a negative way and I was well aware of potential rabies being in the equation. Instead of staying in my usual spot I sat in the other corner of my yard a little closer to my front door in case he acted like he was going to attack me. (I usually only see rabbits, birds, squirrels and the groundhog under the neighbor's porch[he actually greeted me with a snort the other afternoon when I tried to telepathically let him know how happy I was to see him].)
After a little bit he came around the tree and I realized that he could barely walk and that he was a young one around the same size as a rabbit. I assumed he had gotten lost and was weak from hunger so I tried to think what I could feed him. First thing I thought of was some leftover corn grits that I had in the fridge. I found a plastic container to dump in so I can dispose of it later (for germ safety) and one for water. I also had some leftover hamburger gravy that I dumped on top, hoping it will be appetizing and filling.
When I got within 2 yards he started growling at me in protest. I understood the fear so I tried to let him know I only want to help and set the containers down about a yard in front of him. As I backed away, without hesitation he bumbled over and started eating. I sat in my normal spot again to watch the sun rise and enjoy the morning beauty while I knew he was eating, checking occasionally to see how it was going. I got a little worried about him overeating but decided to leave it to the universe as I don't know how to deal with that. After a while he made his way over to the tree again and seemed to be resting. I considered moving the containers into the shade but noticed they would soon be covered with shade anyway. The raccoon was watching me but this time he had his ears laid down in what seemed like submission as though he realized that I was only trying to help.
I had some things going on but later I happened to look out and see that one of the guys working on the electric/water? had seen him. The raccoon had come to eat some more and this guy stood there looking at him a bit, then he pulled out his phone to probably take a picture. Next he looked up in the tree as if to see if there were more just like I had. As he turned and walked away he looked towards the building as if he was trying to figure out what was going on. Maybe he felt me watching him as I felt quite protective of the little one and I was worried someone might see him and try to kill him.
A bit later the raccoon disappeared but I found him behind my other favorite tree. I moved the food closer and refilled the water bowl as well as bringing an egg for protein if he got hungry again. He was aware of me and seemed to be feeling better and again had his ears down as though he knew I was only wanting to help. He didn't seem to touch the food again and when I went out later in the afternoon he was gone so I assume that he had gained some strength and was heading back to the woods, hopefully to be reunited with his family.
Daily I try to do the exercises in the Message from the Sasquatch to Humanity Book 3. It is creating such a big shift in my life as I am able to process, understand and work on the powerlessness and sovereignlessness programs that have been running my life. While it may seem like not much has been happening on the surface, there sure has been a lot going on deep inside. I realize that if I had a job or social life I would be very limited in the ability to focus on and do this work. While I am trying to find a job/source of income and trying to find like-minded people to connect with I am not rushing it because I want to learn these inner lessons well and heal myself. The doors will open when they are meant to. Plus it is possible for the work to come looking for me instead of me looking for it. It doesn't mean it's easy though as I find the conflict within me between the parts of me that are trying to walk in personal power and sovereignty as opposed to the old paradigm of "worthlessness" and "unloveable" that has been so ingrained in my consciousness. It will just take some time and patience but even in this short time there's been a huge shift. I love exploring this new journey. It's so beautiful despite the hard parts. There's such a a huge shift in perspective and I'm really excited to see how all these deep changes will affect the quality of my life in a positive way.
Thank you to anyone taking the time to read about my journey and experiences. It means a lot to me and I so hope that you have been able to find something useful to take with you on your own personal journey to help you grow and heal as well.
With much 🤍,
💎Sparkling Diamond🦋
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