Sasquatch Structures, Feathers & Forgiving Myself
- Sparkling Diamond
- Aug 26
- 17 min read
Not too much seems to be happening lately. Just little things here and there. Beautiful little things. And if I wasn't paying attention or aware enough I would miss them...
While writing my last blog post I forgot to mention that while I was reading the book The Psychic Sasquatch by Jack "Kewaunee" Lapseritis, he mentioned that there is a vortex (where Sasquatch can slip into other dimensions) maybe 15 minutes from my house. I found that very interesting as it is very near to the state park I like to go to and that could explain the beautiful experiences I've had at that park. Since I'm not connected to the community in any way yet I have not heard stories but I see signs that people are aware of them which makes me think that most stories just aren't public.
It's been a bit of a struggle lately as I mentioned in my last blog post; just feeling numb and stuck in this situation I find myself in and struggling to figure out how to get into a better place. Even though I've occasionally asked Kamooh if he would help me I haven't seemed to get any answer. And I think for good reason as eventually I would figure out what was wrong and fix it so to speak which was a good experience for me to learn.
I've got most of my projects done so that now I don't really know what to work on as I keep looking for a job. I didn't have a thick blanket for winter so I used most of my left over fabric to make a biscuit quilt. My mom made one for the neighbor when I was a child and I'd always wanted to make myself one. I had tried once before using that velvety fabric that some sweaters are made out of but it was too stretchy and messy and I gave up. This time I had success with using cotton fabrics and used up a pillow for the stuffing. Now when I have money to spare I want to get a back and some batting to finish it, hopefully before I need it. The theme is the four seasons.
I kept feeling like I needed to get out in the woods. I waited till Thursday after talking with my counselor. It was supposed to be cloudy with maybe some rain. I just wanted to be alone in the woods in what has now become some of my favorite spots. I was hoping there wouldn't be too many people out so I could have privacy and the woods to myself. It hadn't rained all day till after I left the house. It was mostly drizzle but sometimes heavier. When I got there, no one was at the beach and I felt delighted to enjoy it all alone. The beauty. The energy. The soothing sounds of rain and birds. I headed to my first favorite spot a little off one trail where I could feel secluded yet look out over the lake as it rained. It was so beautiful. I didn't sit there too long because with the rain and everything being wet I didn't want anyone or anything to sneak up on me.
I headed on slowly to the part of the trail that has now become a sacred space for me which was about halfway around the lake, nearer to where the vortex supposedly is. Just before I entered that section of the trail I was heading for I sat down at the top of the hill just far enough away from the trees to feel like I can keep an eye on my back and say on my flip-flops so I don't get all soaked from sitting in the grass. I was sitting there about 5 to 10 minutes when 4 beautiful deer came out of the woods down at the other end of the cleared area which was pretty big. It seemed to be a mom with a set of twins and one other one that didn't stay out in the open very long. They went down to the water to drink and the mom saw me and tried to figure out if I was dangerous. She kept walking towards me, step by step, almost stomping her feet as though she was trying to scare me away or get me to move. I was downwind so she couldn't smell me. Finally she came maybe within 20 yards and decided I must be dangerous, snorted, and they all ran into the woods. After a bit I started to get up and prepare to enter the woods when the deer who were still curious had come within 10 yards and snorted again almost scaring me because I thought they were done trying to figure out if I was dangerous and had gone the other way but with the underbrush I couldn't tell where they went.
I tried to prepare my inner world for entering this part of the trail. I asked for permission and feeling no resistance I took my first few cautious steps into the woods. I didn't want to meet people. And I didn't know what to expect. The last time I had walked this trail I had been told that I'm as beautiful as the trees. I didn't know what to expect so as I continued slowly I wasn't so much as telling the trees that they're beautiful like I had been the last time but more so telling myself I'm just as beautiful as the trees. I was still feeling numb and I was afraid if I didn't break through the numbness somehow I would miss whatever beautiful experience might be waiting for me. After I was far enough inside the woods to keep an eye on both ends of the trail so I don't get surprised by people I could focus a little better on my inner world as I tried to let the walls down and let the love, peace and calm of the forest flow in. The tears began to flow for which I wasn't exactly sure why and I felt energy flowing up and down my body. After about 5 minutes I felt like I had been washed clean inside out and I was able to be fully present.
I kept moving down the trail step by step enjoying the rain falling gently around me. Now and then a gust of wind would sway the treetops and large drops would fall to the ground around me. It was so beautiful. Partway down the trail closer to the bend were some fallen logs and since I wanted to stay in this part of the woods I sat on one of the logs beside the trail. I just sat there, aware and scanning my surroundings, not knowing whether to expect something or not but also just grateful to be in this sacred space. After a bit I caught sight of a beautiful deer maybe 10 to 15 yards away. I wasn't sure if they were aware of me but they slowly threaded their way towards me for a bit till they were maybe 8 yards away. I don't know if they caught a whiff of me but they snorted and danced away but maybe 5 minutes later I saw another beautiful deer casually meandering through the underbrush maybe 20 yards away. It may have been the same one. I didn't see them again after that but that was enough to make my day, even just the fact that I had the space all to myself in that I hadn't seen one other person except in the distance. There were also some beautiful birds chirping away as they fed in the underbrush and trees.
I sat there for about another hour before feeling like perhaps it was time to go home. I was feeling a lot of pressure in my third eye almost like a headache. I wasn't sure if it was coming from my backpack or not. I started to almost get chilled from the rain seeping through my waterproof jacket and from just sitting still and soaking up the moisture so I started wandering back to my vehicle. It had stopped raining by then and when I was walking through the last patch of woods before reaching my vehicle I noticed that people were coming behind me on the trail. It was all perfect timing and I later wondered if perhaps it had been made to be that way by a hand that could control the weather (as Sasquatch are able to do).
Later that afternoon I was laying on the sofa trying to figure out how to deal with the mess inside of me as I couldn't seem to figure out how to resolve it. I had just started reading the book The Wisdom of the Shamans by Don Jose Ruiz where he was sharing stories that have been passed down orally for centuries in his family's lineage. One story especially for my attention.(My short paraphrased version ,the book is much more interesting)It was about this man who was traveling and saw some men lined up outside a cave. He wanted to take their places so they could go free so he walked into the cave. He heard many voices telling stories of suffering. The voices grew louder and louder till he couldn't stand it and cried out for quiet. The cave went silent. When he opened his eyes he found himself face to face with a demonic looking being who began to yell at him in anger. He grabbed him by the neck and raised his hand to strike this person who had dared to infiltrate his cave. The individual stepped in and hugged the demon tightly and with all the love in his heart he said I forgive you. Somewhere along the way the narrative that we are flawed entered humanity and thus we find ourselves addicted to suffering. He goes on to say:
"Only you can free yourself from the demon in the cave. When you love the demon inside of you, the voice that keeps trying to belittle you, you learn to love yourself, and you free yourself of its influence. The demon is the voice of your parasite, and when you love and forgive yourself completely, you transform the parasite into an ally."
As I lay pondering this and the struggle with in I realized that I was being hard on myself for finding myself in the situation I find myself in. I had my teddy bear in my arm so I decided to use my teddy bear to be the part of me who's so scared, frustrated and worried about my situation and causing all the drama inside of me. Once I was able to personify my teddy bear as the part of me that was so loud and unpleasant I hugged it tight and said I forgive you with as much love as I could feel in my heart and the tears flowed. Afterwards I felt drained but finally I had some peace inside of me.
Later I went outside to enjoy the evening and was pleasantly surprised to find joy and just general delight at being alive bubble up inside of me. Again I felt energy flowing through my body. It was such a beautiful feeling to be so delighted with life and to be present and enjoy the beauty.
The next morning I went outside to enjoy the morning as I usually do. Since it was cloudy and I couldn't watch the sun rise I turned towards the woods. I happened to be right in line with the ancient maple tree in the neighbor's yard. I started my reiki self-session as I have gotten brave enough to do them outside. It feels more natural and I can feel the energy better. I had barely started when a tiny feather came floating down on the slight breeze. It landed perfectly in line between me and the tree and even though it was in the neighbor's yard I went and picked it up because it felt like it was meant for me.
Again the next morning as I went to watch the sun rise I decided to sit in a different place so that the maple tree branches don't hinder my view. I sat facing the back side of the neighbor's garage. Out of nowhere my eye caught sight of another feather floating down and again it landed straight in front of me between me and the garage. It seemed like it was for a purpose but I don't know what, for why else would a feather two days in a row land perfectly straight in front of me?
On Sunday morning the guy came to mow the yard again. I went out to tell him that the baby bunnies hadn't left the nest yet but maybe in a week or so. I had gotten a glimpse of one baby and it was such a tiny ball of fur and would have fit perfectly into my palm. That evening I was sitting outside again watching the sun go down and feeling connected to my surroundings. I lay down in the grass for awhile as I was tired of sitting because I had spent most of the day working on my dollhouse.
After awhile I sat up and a little movement caught my attention halfway across the neighbor's yard. I watched the spot and to my surprise it was the baby rabbit. He was barely 3" tall and so was somewhat hidden by the neighbor's taller grass. He came running towards me and I was hoping he would come up to me but I was also worried that the neighbor had scared him out of the nest by working in his garage. He would run a bit then stop, then run again. I wasn't sure if he was trying to find his mom or what. He came running within 2 yards of me before changing his mind and running towards his nest. Instead of going to his nest he ran back over into the neighbor's yard. I was worried about him but then I caught sight of two adult rabbits hopping over almost as though they had noticed him and came looking for him. The one appeared to be his mom and it looked like they were playing for a bit and then it was time to start the weaning process. At first she wouldn't let him nurse but it eventually seemed like she let him but by then it was almost too dark to see. I was beyond delighted to be able to watch this little baby that I had tried to protect to begin to enjoy the big new world. It seems that there may only have been one but I will wait a few days before checking so that if there's more I won't disturb them before they are ready.
I had a hard time going to sleep after that excitement. Also the general joy of being alive that bubbles up inside of me makes me feel like dancing which doesn't help either. On top of that I felt so much energy in and around my body that it almost scared me. I don't understand why or the meaning of it but it didn't appear to be negative so I just relaxed into it. It's almost like a goose bumpy feeling that swirls around my body and makes me shiver at times like I'm cold but it is the way the body tends to release negative things and trauma similar to the way animals do when they've just had a harrowing experience. It's really interesting how I keep feeling the energy at times. It makes me feel like there's some beings working on me or something. The delight of just being alive is unique in itself as it's a new feeling for me. It seems like something happened when I forgave myself a few days before. And the wanting to dance. It's like the joy is just bubbling over and my body can't hold it all. I found this beautiful video to help me get some of that energy out of my system but I also expect my tolerance for such higher levels and frequencies to grow and expand as I surrender and accept these new emotions that have rarely ever in this lifetime been a part of my life.
Monday morning I applied for another job, one that had caught my attention, but I hadn't wanted to drive 40 minutes again for work. About 4 hours later I got a phone call asking when I can come in for an interview. This was the first response I got to any of my applications. I had felt inspired to can some beans and I also made 2 pots of bean soup to can as well so I was too busy to get away. I said I was open on Tuesday and he asked me to come in at 8 am. This meant I had to set an alarm and be unable to sit in the yard and enjoy the sun rising. I spent the rest of the day worrying and anxious about it, even a little bit of grief for having to go back to work and having less time to enjoy outdoors.
The next morning I made my way to my interview. It is part of a union so that was new to me. If I get the job, the pay will be even higher than I've gotten in any of my other jobs which was a lot more than I was expecting. It all sounds good even though I may have to work evening shift which I'm not comfortable doing if I can help it so maybe something can be worked out.
On the way home I went right past my favorite park I was unsure whether I wanted to stop but I felt drawn to. It was below 50 this morning so it was chilly and not many people out so I had the woods to myself again. The anxiety and worry had been hounding me since I had gotten the phone call the day before and I felt like I just needed to walk or run to get rid of that nervous energy. I didn't want to run and scare the birds and animals so I just walked. I saw deer and the birds were so happily going about their morning business. It was so beautiful and peaceful!
When I got to my favorite trail I felt like continuing so I kept walking further than I usually go. Part way down the next stretch of trail I stopped to enjoy the morning sunshine and beauty but I wanted to keep walking. A little further on I stopped again and admitted to myself that I am actually scared, not just from a new job interview but also for being in a part of the woods I rarely go, and I said in my mind: but I don't want to be afraid. Since I wasn't sure what to do about it I turned and kept walking but it was as though some kind being was walking with me and had heard my thoughts and wanted to help(but I had to first acknowledge the problem). Barely had I taken a few more steps before I felt the energy swirl in and around my body and I was overwhelmed with tears. The fear was being released and I accepted it completely. Within a few minutes I was totally at peace with no fear and all the worry and anxiety surrounding the interview had disappeared. It was pretty amazing! Now I felt totally present in the now and it was so beautiful. Gone also was the need for walking so fast and now I could go my usual very slow pace.
I continued until I came to a space with people camping. I didn't want to be seen so I turned around and since I hadn't gotten up early enough to do my usual reiki self treatment I began looking for a place off the trail where I could feel safe and yet secluded from anyone who might be walking by on the trail.
I saw what looked like a bit of a trail so I felt drawn to explore thinking it would be nice to sit near the water. I went slowly trying to not step in poison ivy when I felt like perhaps I shouldn't be in this space so I asked if it's ok or if I should leave. It didn't seem like I should leave and when I happened to glance to my left I caught sight of several deer watching me. They soon ran off and I kept trying to figure out why the ground seemed so packed down. Sasquatch was in the back of my mind but I didn't see any tracks. There were a lot of deer tracks and finally I came to a small trail that led along the edge of the ridge before a steep descent into the water. Eventually it led me to a beautiful mossy place even though it made me dizzy because the water below me looked deep and I did not relish the idea of ending up in the water. I found it interesting how logs were torn apart as though a large beast had crushed and picked them apart for grubs and I began to wonder if a bear was in the area because of all the trampled leaves and hard ground almost like some big animal lived here(Sasquatch eats that kind of stuff too according to Sojourn With The Sasquatch by Ryan Lyons). I found a place where an animal had bedded down but the scat didn't appear to be from a deer. Perhaps I was in the middle of a Sasquatch haunt and didn't realize it. Or my mind tried to rationalize it as something else...
As I threaded my way around trying to get back to the trail as I didn't quite feel like doing my reiki work here as I didn't like being so surrounded by underbrush or so close to the water when I couldn't see how deep it was, a tangle of logs caught my eye.
My first thought was: is this from the Sasquatch? I walked to it and explored it. I had watched videos of other people exploring Sasquatch structures so I had an idea what they might look like. It wasn't something that seemed to have happened naturally and it would have taken some pretty strong humans to make such a tangle which wouldn't make sense. I finally decided that it seems to be Sasquatch made and it felt like I was supposed to see it. I think it's probably quite old and there were so many fallen logs in the area but this was the only structure that I noticed that seemed to have been deliberately made.
I found my way back to the trail and crossed it heading into the open woods on the other side. After I went in a good distance so as to not be as easily noticed I found a log to sit on and did my reiki work and then with it being nearly noon I ate the banana pear bread slices I had brought along in case I got hungry. I was delighted to be surrounded by happy birds searching for their next morsel. They seemed to not be scared of me at all which was probably because I was moving slowly in a hopefully non threatening way. There was at least one if not more pileated woodpeckers, nuthatches, chickadees, goldfinches and more that I didn't recognize. It was so beautiful.
I decided to continue through the woods thinking I'd eventually come out on the next trail. Suddenly another structure caught my eye. This time I knew that it was not a human who had done it because there was one nice sized log balanced about 10-15 feet above the ground. It made me so happy to see it and I felt like I was supposed to see it.
It was very close to the bike trail and as I continued I realized I would have to go through the underbrush which I didn't want to and neither did I want to be seen if a biker came along so I turned around and made my way back towards the trail I had come from. I was delighted to see a pileated woodpecker and nuthatch quite close and they didn't act at all alarmed at my presence but more like I was one of them.
Not much further on I happened to glance to my left and here another structure caught my attention. This one was quite interesting as it looked like the y in a tree had been split several feet further down the trunk and another good sized log was skewered in between. It took a bit to figure it out. The original y of the first tree was resting in the crotch of the tree that was holding it up so that the second log was below the original y. In all reality it could have fallen like that but that would have been a pretty freaky line up to be so perfectly in line to land in that way. It could explain why the top of the y was broken but on the other hand if it actually fell like that and it was strong enough to split the y of the first tree then why didn't it split the tree it fell into? Maybe the first tree was rotten enough to split easier than the living tree it fell into. It really seemed like it was specifically put that way in my opinion...
As I was heading back to my vehicle I happened to look to my right and caught sight of a fawn mere yards away. I was walking barefoot and hadn't come upwind of him yet and he hadn't heard me. I managed to get a shot before I accidentally caused some noise trying to get out of sight before I scared him.
He then saw me and ran away to the edge of the woods and watched me a bit before disappearing...
When I got home I decided to see if the baby bunny was still in the nest. I didn't see anything and when I turned around right in front of me was this beautiful feather. Not sure how I walked right over it and missed it. This is one of the biggest feathers amongst my collection now.
The last few days have been so beautiful. It has felt so magical, when I feel the energy around my body and especially when I'm in the woods. And it makes me excited to see what will happen next...
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