This past weekend was horrible. I had things I wanted to do but I didn't get any of it done... Friday I went to work and took a picture of the schedule and noticed that I was scheduled for 5 hours instead of the 4 I had told them that I could do. I went to the manager and told him that I am unable to work an extra hour at this point and I don't know why I'm scheduled like that. He replied that it's ok to work just 4 hours, that he'll talk to the other manager that did the sch

Edit: I had taken this down because I was unsure whether I really should post it but decided to repost it in its rawness...

Implicit memories and flashbacks are no respecter of present situations or whether you feel safe or not...They are like demanding teasers sa

I'm struggling to clear the mud out of my eyes so I can try to see clearly enough to figure out what the next thing is to do. I'm trying to

Something that's been on my mind lately is Christmas...its been several years since I spent any holidays with my family...next month it will be two years since I wrote this blog post: https://www.lighthopetruth.com/post/merry-christmas It was the first year that I ever decorated for Christmas in my own living quarters. I had a church family. I felt like I belonged somewhere. Last Christmas I don't remember if I even really decorated. It was a very painful time of having lost

*If you would like a print of this piece it is available for sale on my website under the Painful Paintings tab... (I wrote this piece a few days (Thursday) ago.) This is how I feel tonight...not just with the little sprinkling of salt but with handfuls and handfuls of salt. To end up in the shelter, then a few days later be locked out of the house (illegally) so that I can't access my belongings and on top of that finding out that all my stuff has been packed up for me. I wa

(Very sarcastically) If you decide to make a new start in your life make sure that everything you take with you fits in your car that way you don't have to ask anybody for help, then it won't be hard to pack and move when the need arises... Oh, and don't expect the people that you consider friends to show up and help you if you need it... (End sarcasm) .......... I'm currently sitting in the shelter trying to figure out how to extricate my belongings from its prison and get i

I'm still in shock.

Also now that I'm here and getting used to the sights and sounds, I am reminded of the group homes that I've been in in the past.

Graduating from school at 8th grade, the future looked extremely dark. All I could see was that there would now be no escape from my parents

And I keep hearing my dad's voice "It's just all in your head!" A phrase I often heard when I wasn't feeling well....

If anger consisted of gooey globs, I'd be flinging it at quite a number of people right now. And...I guess I wasn't expecting to receive s

Pretty gruesome, isn't it? I don't know what color pain is but I know how it feels. It is heavy. It hurts. Sometimes...

Where does this pressure come from? From people's good intentions. Friends implying their opinions. My own internal dialogue from...

Aggression dressed up in a pretty package is like poison in a relationship. We may be unaware of our passive aggression but we are still...

Be brave. Be strong. Be courageous. Fight for yourself. You are worth it.

When you trust someone and they "flip" on you as in saying one thing and then changing it later it undermines and cripples your trust...

There's been something niggling at the back of my mind the last several days and I have been slowly able to put words to it and tonight I was able to paint a picture of what it feels like. First I noticed that I felt like I had to hoard food which was triggered by trying to give my housemate space to deal with her triggers by staying upstairs while she's home, meaning that if I didn't make sure I had food upstairs when I had a chance I would go hungry. I ate when I wasn't hu

...because she wasn't sure He would actually show up and help her in her pain and need.

It's hard to ask for help. Especially when one isn't sure what they need.