Pretty gruesome, isn't it? I don't know what color pain is but I know how it feels. It is heavy. It hurts. Sometimes...

Where does this pressure come from? From people's good intentions. Friends implying their opinions. My own internal dialogue from...

Aggression dressed up in a pretty package is like poison in a relationship. We may be unaware of our passive aggression but we are still...

Be brave. Be strong. Be courageous. Fight for yourself. You are worth it.

When you trust someone and they "flip" on you as in saying one thing and then changing it later it undermines and cripples your trust...

There's been something niggling at the back of my mind the last several days and I have been slowly able to put words to it and tonight I was able to paint a picture of what it feels like. First I noticed that I felt like I had to hoard food which was triggered by trying to give my housemate space to deal with her triggers by staying upstairs while she's home, meaning that if I didn't make sure I had food upstairs when I had a chance I would go hungry. I ate when I wasn't hu

...because she wasn't sure He would actually show up and help her in her pain and need.

It's hard to ask for help. Especially when one isn't sure what they need.

What she is trying to do is protect me from more pain, more heartache, more invalidation by those close to her that she dares to share her c

Today is one of those days that are really out of sorts. It could be triggered by any number of things. Two of the culprits may be the dreams I had the last 2 days. The third one be a conversation I had with a friend last night...and there could be more that I'm not aware of... Yesterday morning my dream was schoolwork related. From what I can remember it started with me helping a mom who lost connection with her young school age daughter as I worked as a maid for her. Part w

See this beautiful young girl? Her name is Careful Protector. She is feeling shy and would rather be hiding amongst the trees instead of out in the open where she can be seen. She was willing to let me paint her picture even though it was hard for her to be so vulnerable. I met her last night in therapy session with my IFS therapist friend. Now that I finally got to meet her, I realize I've seen her so often. I just didn't know who she was and her actions often frustrated me.

I have a friend. She is a police officer in the city where I live. I told her she is welcome to stop if she is nearby and has a few minutes to chat. Today she stopped by and we had a nice chat. It made my day to see her and to chat with her. I had been working on updating addresses and phone numbers in various aspects of my online life since having just moved and changed my phone number and I was stressed. My budgeting has piled up several months too and I had shoved it all

This kinda depicts my feelings of today...moving out of state and some of the things that happened leading up to it and after make me feel like I have indeed escaped the claws of the enemy... One day out of the blue I got a letter from an older Mennonite lady in another state saying that I shall write her back that she'd like to get back in touch again. About 14+ years ago this lady would sit in on my sessions while her husband "counseled" me. She had taught me how to do macr

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't want to talk about whatever came up because this was an area I hated as well as tried to...

Tonight I am furiously angry at the injustices done to me by the institutions and unlicensed counseling places run by the plain people. Some of those things are illegal as well. Just knowing that, makes the wrong done to me seem even more violent. Even though they never hit me... The times I spent in those places are shrouded in the fog of disassociation but there are some things I do remember. And some of those things have done lots of damage, some of which I'm still trying

Tonight I was on my way home from horse therapy and since I'm now living at my friend's house I decided to find a closer way home than I normally go, but I was not expecting where it would take me... As I came off the exit ramp and started down the road I all of a sudden realized where I was...an area where I used to go hiking with an older lady from my last church...I didn't think much about it and kept following my GPS...and wouldn't you know it, it took me the same directi

On my mind tonight.... Sometimes...well, often, I find myself being so hard on myself for being so scared of the lady downstairs. Like, I should just get over it, right? When someone is anxious or scared about something, there's usually a reason underneath...and so I have discovered this for myself... I've been dreading letting the landlord know that I'm moving because I've been afraid that when the lady downstairs finds out she will bother me to no end...and ask questions...

These words have been running through my being since my (exhausting)therapy session last night... Little girls (children) don't deserve to be teased till they cry. Little girls (children) don't deserve to have adults pretend to put them head first in the trash can. Little girls (children) don't deserve to have to try to act tough when a "huge" adult catches them and acts like they will stick them headfirst in a dirty trash can when deep down they are terrified because she (

When I was 22 I moved to my current state. It was the only way I could find to stay out of my parent's house. I stayed at an older couple's house for a week(they were "lay counselors " who had several single girls living in their house). There was not much privacy in my opinion. One evening I was in the middle of undressing for bed and the lady of the house, without knocking, walked in to tell me something. I felt so violated, even though I didn't even know what the word mean

The last several weeks have been really rough physically. I haven't been sleeping well. The stress is wreaking havoc on my health and I'm hoping that my health doesn't collapse before I make my move to another state in a few months. Today I woke up early once again and couldn't fall back asleep. The exhaustion was overwhelming. It felt like I hadn't slept in a long time. I had been planning to go yardsaling with someone but I was so exhausted and my feet hurt and I couldn't