Around a year ago in the healing work I was doing I came up with the idea that I wanted to build a dollhouse for the child inside of me that never had one. I wanted to give her so many things that she had never been allowed to have as a child. I used to be obsessed with my cousin's barbies and all the tiny accessories as a young child till it was taken away because they thought I played too much with them... I designed a dollhouse. I have the plans somewhere in storage. The h

Last night I was able to release just a little bit more grief and pain from how my abusive employers treated me...it is still such a hard, painful part in my life that I can hardly go there even if I don't have to go alone. Usually first it helps for me to get grounded. So much of the time I don't feel safe and am so much in survival mode that it's hard to even get started. Just noticing my breath. And feeling the firmness of the car seat cushions under me and just letting my

In February I felt that maybe I'd be out of the shelter by the end of the month. (But that was false)I planned that I would spend March celebrating Christmas for myself and all the parts of me that never were able to before. I planned I'd spend April, my birthday month, doing one thing every day to celebrate that I am still alive after everything I've had to survive. But this morning I realized... That April is almost halfway over. I had such a mixture of feelings inside of m

Today I was thinking about that question. A few days ago I was asked when the exhaustion started. When I first felt it.

Warning: this is a really raw post. Read at your own risk...

It was just such a straight out-of-the-blue question that even if something was or had happened that I remembered, I don't think I'd have

See the little girl? She's very young. Maybe 2 or 3 years old. She feels so bewildered and alone. The people who should be nurturing her...

And it reminds that 16 year old part of me of how it used to be at that age. Yes, my parents owned the property but I had no space to...

Last week someone sent me these words when I needed to hear them because I have been feeling so pressured to "fit in a box" (which doesn't work for me)... "You sparkle, just by being YOU! 🌟 ...It's just been that too many people have been so stuck in their "boxes" of conformity... they miss the magnificence of those who are sparkly stars. And, sadly, they live in the dull world of conformity to errant beliefs and near sighted "judgement. But YOU...Just keep on Sparkling..

This past weekend was horrible. I had things I wanted to do but I didn't get any of it done... Friday I went to work and took a picture of the schedule and noticed that I was scheduled for 5 hours instead of the 4 I had told them that I could do. I went to the manager and told him that I am unable to work an extra hour at this point and I don't know why I'm scheduled like that. He replied that it's ok to work just 4 hours, that he'll talk to the other manager that did the sch

Edit: I had taken this down because I was unsure whether I really should post it but decided to repost it in its rawness...

Implicit memories and flashbacks are no respecter of present situations or whether you feel safe or not...They are like demanding teasers sa

This morning the first meme showed up in my feed and I... Well, I just had to fix it... Because there is Someone who will eventually repay those who have harmed me...I don't want to waste my time trying to get vengeance...it's not in me to do so...what I will try to do though, is protect others from getting hurt by the people who have hurt me... My life has held enough pain and trauma that I would be delighted if it were possible to live the rest of my life without anything h

I'm struggling to clear the mud out of my eyes so I can try to see clearly enough to figure out what the next thing is to do. I'm trying to

Something that's been on my mind lately is Christmas...its been several years since I spent any holidays with my family...next month it will be two years since I wrote this blog post: https://www.lighthopetruth.com/post/merry-christmas It was the first year that I ever decorated for Christmas in my own living quarters. I had a church family. I felt like I belonged somewhere. Last Christmas I don't remember if I even really decorated. It was a very painful time of having lost

*If you would like a print of this piece it is available for sale on my website under the Painful Paintings tab... (I wrote this piece a few days (Thursday) ago.) This is how I feel tonight...not just with the little sprinkling of salt but with handfuls and handfuls of salt. To end up in the shelter, then a few days later be locked out of the house (illegally) so that I can't access my belongings and on top of that finding out that all my stuff has been packed up for me. I wa

(Very sarcastically) If you decide to make a new start in your life make sure that everything you take with you fits in your car that way you don't have to ask anybody for help, then it won't be hard to pack and move when the need arises... Oh, and don't expect the people that you consider friends to show up and help you if you need it... (End sarcasm) .......... I'm currently sitting in the shelter trying to figure out how to extricate my belongings from its prison and get i

I'm still in shock.